We take so much for granted ...

Claire told me since she is not able to eat she has started to hallucinate and think a lot about food. Most of her day revolves around trying to feed herself. Either she or I will prepare her food but then it takes about 45 minutes just for her to eat it. Everything has to be thin enough to be sucked up into a syringe in order for her to eat and to get enough calories she has to eat all day long. She told me when you can not eat you start to think weird thoughts, she had imagined she was eating meat sauce, not spaghetti meat sauce but a sauce made out of meat. Tonight she so wanted chocolate that she was taking little pieces and trying to stuff them back in the opening where her feeding tube goes. She told me she wanted potato chips, so I tried to make it happened. I blended potato chips, water and salt...what an epic failure! I think I will end up losing weight because I feel guilty eating around her, it is like eating a chocolate cake in front of someone starving, it breaks my heart.