Pain Charts

Every time a nurse came into Claire's room they would ask Claire to look at a pain chart and tell them where she was at in her level of pain. A friend told me a story that when his daughter had shoulder surgery the nurse would ask her "on a scale of 1 being no pain and 10 being the worse pain you have ever felt in your life, where are you?" She would say 10 even-though she was on Morphine and had a big smile and was obviously not in 10 level pain. Then he realized the problem was the question, it was the worse pain she had ever felt!

Check out this more accurate, and graphic, pain chart made by Allie who blogs at Hyperbole and a Half. It's for those times when those pain charts with frowny to smiley faces just don't cut it.

You've probably seen some version of that chart before. You may also have noticed how inadequate it is at helping you. Based on the faces, this is my interpretation of the chart:

0: Haha! I'm not wearing any pants!

2: Awesome! Someone just offered me a free hot dog!

4: Huh. I never knew that about giraffes.

6: I'm sorry about your cat, but can we talk about something else now? I'm bored.

8: The ice cream I bought barely has any cookie dough chunks in it. This is not what I expected and I am disappointed.

10: You hurt my feelings and now I'm crying!

None of that is medically useful and it doesn't even have all the numbers, so I made a better one with all the numbers:

0: Hi. I am not experiencing any pain at all. I don't know why I'm even here.

1: I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.

2: I probably just need a Band Aid.

3: This is distressing. I don't want this to be happening to me at all.

4: My pain is not fucking around.

5: Why is this happening to me??

6: Ow. Okay, my pain is super legit now.

7: I see Jesus coming for me and I'm scared.

8: I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain. I might actually be dying. Please help.

9: I am almost definitely dying.

10: I am actively being mauled by a bear.

11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.